Harry Potter and The Phoenix Reborn
by Nose Goblins
Summary: Harry journey's back to Privet Drive after HBP to find that he is no longer welcome there. Some suprizing twists await as Harry discovers the power HeWhoHasHalitosis knows not.. HPHerem Please Review.
1. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I have nothing, I see nothing, I hear Nothing, I say Nothing.

Well, actually I do say something; Harry Potter is JKR's and PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

-Nose Goblins

Chapter One: Dudley's Woes

Dudley Dursley was having a bad time of it this year. It all started when he had been thrown out of Smeltings. He had gotten caught one too many times smoking, drinking and beating up on other children. His headmaster, Professor Stevens had brought him into his office less than a week ago and there before him, was Evan McAlister, a second year who Dudley was especially fond of hitting with his smelting stick and generally making his life a living hell. Evan had the same messy hair that stuck up in the back as his 'cousin', so Dudley's attention had been immediately drawn to him at first sight last year. Since Dudley could no longer torment Harry while at school, Evan McAlister had become Dudley's new favorite target. Right now, Evan was sitting there, face wet with tears and a large angry welt cutting diagonally across his face.

"Dudley.." The young headmaster said. "How many times will it take before you get it through that thick skull of yours that tormenting younger students will not EVER be tolerated here?"

Dudley looked toward him and saw the youthful face that had been making his life a living hell for the past six months. Headmaster Stevens had brown hair and blue eyes that Dudley knew the girls here at Smeltings found irresistible. Dudley found that was to gross to contemplate. 'How could they find this guy attractive? He had to be pushing 35!' Dudley thought.

To his headmaster, he said, "sorry sir, There was a fly on his face and I was trying to brush it off him. He was too far away, so I used my smelting stick and I guess I don't know my own strength. " Dudley looked up. Was he falling for it?

Stevens didn't look surprised by this lame excuse. He picked up a thick manila file and began leafing through it. "Just like the time that you thought Mr. McAlister's face was the school punching bag while in the gym? Or the time that you thought his shoes were contaminated by the chemical in chemistry class, so you set them on fire… _while he was still wearing them_? Or how about the time that a 'thief' ran up and shoved Mr. McAlister's book bag inside of yours right before I walked up to you?

Dudley looked shocked. This new guy really was really keeping track of him… time to switch tactics.

"Sorry sir. It won't happen again" Dudley guessed that he could live for the next year without torturing McAlister. There was always Mark Ashton, a skinny forth year with bad acne.

The headmaster looked like he knew exactly what was going on in Dudley's mind. "No Dudley. It will not. Detentions do not dissuade you from this type of action. Suspensions do not frighten you. I have called your parents for the last time. They are on their way here now to get you. You are no longer welcome at this school."

Dudley stood flabbergasted. He tried to wrap his mind about what was being said. Ok, he had to stay calm. "Please Sir. What do you mean? Are my mum and dad coming to visit? "

"I mean Mr. Dursley, that your parents are coming to take you home." Professor Stevens saw the look of confusion grow on Dudley's face. "I mean that you are being expelled."

Expulsion! How could he be expelled! It was just a little bit of fun!

"Dudley, you should not be surprised by this course of action. I have repeatedly warned you that this would happen. You have continued with the bullying all year and I feel that not only do you have no remorse, you seem to enjoy it." Stevens turned and looked at the small boy sitting in the other chair. "Evan, you may leave now. And if any of Mr. Dursley's friends say anything to you about this, come see me. I will be having a word with them later."

Dudley started to protest as the door closed. "You can't do that to me!"

"I can and have Mr. Dursley. Your parents will be arriving any moment. "

Dudley started to cry. "I can't be expelled. My father will kill me!"

"I seriously doubt that he will kill you Mr. Dursley. You will find a better school, one better suited to your needs. " The headmaster looked thoughtful. "As a matter of fact I know of several where you might be comfortable. I " he reached over to a stack of color pamphlets on the shelf next to his desk. "Ah, yes. Here it is. St. Brutus's School. A fine institution."

Dudley wined "No! I won't go! You can't make me! When my father hears about this…"

"Your father has already heard about this. I have spoken to him on numerous occasions and just got off the phone with him a few hours ago. Like I said. He will be here momentarily. While I admit that he was upset, I am sure that he will not kill you."

For years, crying , wining and wailing had always gotten him whatever he wanted. Why wasn't it working? "YOU BASTARD!" Dudley yelled! "I WON'T GO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU WON'T MAKE ME!

"Dudley calm down! This isn't helping!'

Something in Dudley snapped. It was time to try getting physical. "I'll KILL YOU!" Dudley leapt at his headmaster and started lending his considerable bulk and his training in boxing toward landing blow after blow onto the face of his headmaster. He hit again and again, blood flowing from the face of his headmaster and from his own fists.

"DUDLEY! STOP THAT AT ONCE!" The deep voice of Vernon Dursley broke through the fury that was consuming Dudley. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Vernon Dursley stood in the door into the office and saw his own son beating a man half to death! Dudley stopped and started shaking, tears still flowing from his eyes. "Daddy, he can't make me go!" Dudley still sat upon the chest of the unconscious man.

"GET OFF HIM DUDLEY!" His face a brighter purple than Dudley had ever seen, even when Harry was around.

"He made me do it Daddy! He attacked me!"

"WHAT!" Vernon said, still shouting.

"Yes… he… um.. said that .. um.. I had to leave because… I was you son and then I tried to kill me!" Dudley lied.

Vernon didn't know what to believe. He had seen _his_ Dudley beating the mn to within a hair of his life. Suddenly, there was a screaming behind him. "AHHHHHHHH! WHAT'S HAPPENED? The shrill voice of Mrs. Sparrow cut through the air. She rushed over and bent over the headmaster.

More voices came from outside and several teacher walked in. Several ran over and started trying to help the headmaster. "Mr. Stevens, what is going on?" one of the teachers asked. There was no reply. A short, plump woman with a pencil behind one ear rushed over to the still form of Mr. Stevens. She looked fearfully at the headmaster and put one hand to his neck.

"He's still alive. " She looked over at Dudley with accusing eyes

"He attacked _me_." Said Dudley.

"What! Mrs. Sparrow said. "He wouldn't hurt a fly… What are you talking about? I'm calling the Police!' She ran out of the room before anything else could be said.

Vernon turned helplessly from his son to the retreating form of Mrs. Sparrow. If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes…

BREAKBREAKBREAK

Three weeks later, Dudley was at home. His mother had come to visit him in the juvenile prison every day, her eyes tearing up every time she saw her 'little duddykins' behind the steel of the bars. Finally, the magistrate had let him out on parole, on the condition that he not leave his parents house unless accompanied by his parents or a Barrister. Also, a condition of his release was that he has to start at some special school come September. The magistrate had not mentioned the name of the school, but Dudley was told that he would be receiving a letter soon with all the details.

The Dursley's were just sitting down to dinner when suddenly, an owl flew through the open window.

"A BLOODY OWL!" Vernon bellowed. "AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MONTH, WE HAVE OWLS IN THE DINING ROOM!" The house shook with the sound of his screaming.

"Vernon, Duddykins got off lightly dear, Now please calm down! maybe it isn't one of those owls. "

"OF COURSE IT'S ONE OF THOSE OWLS! IT'S GOT A LETTER RIGHT THERE!"

"Vernon, the neighbors will hear you!" Petunia pleaded.

""WHO CARES WHAT THE NEIGHBORS THINK! THIS HOUSE IS THE TALK OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD AS IT IS! DUDLEY EXPELED AND IN JAIL, THAT BOY! OF COURSE THEY WILL BE TALKING! LET'S JUST GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT!" Vernon had a crazed, maniacal gleam in his eyes as his moustache quivered.

"VERNON, STOP IT!" Petunia looked at her husband. They both had been on edge after the trial. Both had been forced to accept that Dudley was in fact guilty. There was a security camera in the headmaster's office and it was apparent to even the Dursleys that Dudley had attacked Mr. Stevens.

Vernon's face was still red, but he stopped yelling and walked over to the window. Je peared through the window to see if anyone had heard his lapse. When he saw Mrs. Next-door looking back out of her window, he closed the drapes. Petunia reached down and took the letter from the Owl. She opened it and began reading.

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**_

_**Minerva McGonagall : interim headmistress**_

_**Dear Parent:**_

**It is my sad duty to write this letter to all parents of students attending Hogwarts's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As you may of heard, there was a death eater attack here at the school several days ago. Several people were killed and several students were injured. The people who were killed were with one exception, the attackers. It is my sad duty to inform you that the exception was Albus Dumbledore, the previous headmaster. He was killed defending the school. **

_**With current events the way they are, at this time we cannot guarantee the safety of your child here at Hogwarts. As such we are returning the students to there home's immediately. We apologize for any inconvenience this my cause you. The Hogwarts express will be arriving tomorrow at 4:00 at platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station tomorrow afternoon. **_

_**Over the summer, teams of ministry wizards will be working here at the school to strengthen the wards that protect the school, and we hope that the school will reopen this September when the new security measures have been put in place. **_

_**Anyone who has questions about there children returning to the school can contact me personally this summer.**_

_**Sincerely**_

_**Minerva McGonagall **_

Petunia started to tear up. That is not what they needed right now. They didn't need _the boy_. Life here at number four Privet Drive was already too stressful for her and she was beginning to fear for Vernon's Health.

"Well?" Vernon asked icily. He had calmed down while she was reading the letter.

"It's nothing important, dear" She said. Maybe she could hide the boy. That would solve many problems. She knew that she had to keep him safe. She may not have liked her sister, but she had kept the boy grudgingly all these years and she would not turn him out with only two months to go.

"Well, it's obviously important enough to disturb normal people trying to eat a normal dinner. Let me see it." He reached over and grabbed it out of her hands. He read it quickly and started dancing around the room.

"He's dead! That old geezer is dead! It's over! We don't have to take the boy again! " Looking at the disapproving face of his wife, he said. "We only kept him so that he would leave us alone. Well at least something is going right for once! " Vernon had completely changed his mood of a few moments ago. This seemed to be the best news that he had ever received.

"Vernon…." Petunia started.

"They can't make me do anything anymore. I won't have it! Not in this house. Never again!" Vernon looked like Christmas had not only come early, but was going to last for a week.

"Fine Vernon, but we need to at least tell him he is no longer welcome here."

"I never want to see that freak boy or abnormal freak friends again… Ahh wait.. I have an Idea… This will be the perfect Punishment for Dudley. We will send HIM to tell the boy…"

With that Vernon waddled upstairs to inform his son of the appropriate punishment he had devised.

BREAKBREAKBREAK

The Hogwart's Express was speeding along the tracks passing the hills and lochs of Scotland. On the train, in the last compartment, a thin teenager named Harry Potter, sat looking at his friends Ron and Hermione,

When Ron and Hermione had both said after Dumbledore's funeral they would go with him to Privet drive, Harry had felt the fear of losing more people he loved tearing at his heart. He had tried to talk them out of it the entire ride back to London. "But Hermione, you have no idea what's it's like with them. You two will just be miserable and will get angry which will just make things worse..."

Hermione had just said, "There are three reasons that we are going to come with you." Hermione sat opposite to Harry in the compartment with Ron at her side. Harry was trying as hard as he could to just look at his feet and not met the eyes of his two best friends. " One: you will have more protection this way. Both Ron and I are of age and we are allowed to do magic outside of school now. " Harry silently agreed that this would be a good thing. With Delores Umbridge still active in the ministry, Harry couldn't guarantee that if he used magic to defend himself in a death Eater Attack, Ministry wizards wouldn't arrive to snap his wand. Plus, Harry was pretty sure that Scrimgour was still pretty upset with him about not helping at the ministry.

She continued, not noticing the look of acceptance already beginning to creep over Harry's face," Two: You hate the Dursley's and we think that the way you are treated there is terrible and needs to stop and WE are going to stop it. "

Harry's Eyes widened in surprise and worry at this. What would his Aunt and Uncle's reaction be to having two more wizards in the house with him? The last time that they had met Ron, their living room had been blown up. They might not remember that he was not the one that had done it, but knowing them, they would just see the Ron's red hair and start screaming on the train platform. If Ron or Hermione tried to use magic against Vernon or Petunia Dursley, they could just as easily get _their_ wands snapped for using magic in front of a muggle. Granted, all three Dursley's were fully aware of the magical world, but Harry wasn't quite clear on the laws regarding non-magical members of a wizard's family.

"Three: We ARE going to help you, Harry. We have been with you in everything you have done since Quirrl's Troll attacked me during first year; we won't let you suffer anymore than necessary anymore. "He looked up at this and met her eyes. He saw the look of determination on them and knew that it wasn't going to be an easy argument.

Protests filled Harry's mind 'No, it's dangerous to be around me…' 'You will just be targets…' 'I won't let anyone else that I care about die'… But he kept silent. Every time he tried any of these excuses, Hermione just said the same thing she said the day before. "This is not the time to turn back."

Harry just looked silently at them for the rest of the trip. It was so uncomfortable. The thought of Ron and Hermione actually living at Privet Drive made Harry so nervous that he couldn't even eat any of the sweets brought around by the nice old witch with the trolley. What would Uncle Vernon say? What would Aunt Petunia Say?

The silence lasted until the train started slowing down to approach Kings Cross station.

Harry disembarked the train as soon as it stopped, not wanting to prolong the uncomfortable silence and found his trunk waiting for him amid the hustle and bustle of platform 9 3/4. This surprised him because usually, they had to wait a few moments for the luggage to be magically removed from the train storage compartments. He asked himself 'How did my trunk get here so quickly?' but his thoughts were interrupted by a tiny voice coming from off to his left.

"H-H-Harry?" Harry turned on the bottom stair leading from the train to the platform and saw his cousin Dudley. The boy was sitting on a trunk, marked 'Potter' that had just been unloaded by the train staff. Dudley was wearing a large white shirt that was covered in sweat and a pair of jeans that were so tight; Harry thought they looked like they were about to explode. Both seemed to be covered in Grime and dirt. The rolls of fat and lard that were threatening to pull buttons off and break zippers were defiantly winning the war at this point. He had one hand covering his rear while the other was covering his mouth. Truth be told, Harry was astounded to see his cousin in such a state if ill kept slovenliness. Dudley looked like somebody who had just spent a day on a pig farm… or had just been attacked…

Harry tripped over the stairs at the thought. Visions of Death Eaters in Little Whinging or another Dementor attacking his cousin flew through his mind. Catching himself before he really fell, he walked over to his cousin. Looking at the condition of his cousin, he asked "Dudley? What happened to you?"

His cousin who already looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown looked even more terrified. He just shook his pale face, not wanting to move his hand away from his mouth. Harry walked over to pick up his trunk, when Hermione saw Dudley. "Harry, is this your cousin?"

Harry was still to shocked and full of concern to answer. He looked around for any sign of black robed figures. He realized that somehow his wand had ended up in his hand.

"Yeah, that's him." Ron had met Dudley on several occasions. Now though, Ron had a questioning look on his face.

'Dudley, are you alright?' Harry asked.

Dudley still would not answer. Harry realized what was going on. Dudley was terrified to be here. The thought of being around so many Witches and Wizards and (in his own mind) dementors and Dragons and whoever else Harry hung around with. Harry let out a sigh and chuckled to himself.

"Dudley, would you like to leave?" Harry asked.

His cousin's eye's brightened and Dudley turned around and ran through the brick wall. Harry realized what he had just seen. Dudley had walked _through_ the brick wall! He turned around and told his friends "Do you realize that Dudley was just _on_ the platform? Usually the Dursleys just wait on the muggle side of the station. What in the world was he doing here?"

Hermione looked seriously after Dudley "That's not all Harry… Muggles can't get through the platform… Squibs can though.. Is Dudley some kind of like a squib…?"

"Then how..?" Harry though back to just over a year ago, when he and Dudley had been attacked by Dementors. "But Hermione, Squibs can see Dementors. I know for a fact that Dudley can't see them… "

"I really don't know Harry. Let's ask how he got there first."

Harry grabbed his trunk and started to lift it. Thinking it weighted about a hundred lbs, Harry was prepared to lift with all his strength. Suddenly the trunk flew into the air about ten feet before it came floating down on to the concrete ground, light as a feather. Harry turned around. "Ron…. Just because you are of age and can do magic when you want…"

His friend looked confused. "Harry… It wasn't me."

Harry looked over at Hermione. She shook her head. By this point, all eyes in the station were on him. He looked around. Some people were smiling and laughing, but he didn't think he saw anybody who was looking guilty.

He continued looking around for a moment until he saw Ginny stepping down from the train with a few of her fifth year friends. She looked over to see what everybody was looking at and met eyes with Harry. All though of the light weight trunk and his cousin's appearance on the platform disappeared.

Guilt filled Harry as he saw his ex-girlfriend's eyes start to fill with tears. Harry's heart broke. He could not look, but he could not turn away. He wanted to be with her so bad, but he knew that if word got out that he was seriously involved with anybody, the Dark Side would pounce and kill, maim and torture veraciously. He couldn't let that happen to Ginny. She was too important to him.

Ron saw where Harry was looking and tried to distract Harry. "Harry, somebody was probably trying to help you carry your trunk and cast a lightening charm on it. Don't worry about it."

Hermione caught on immediately. "Yeah Harry, lets go see if we can catch your cousin."

Ron, Harry and Hermione each grabbed their trunks and followed Dudley out the secret entrance and into the Muggle station.

They found Dudley waiting for them on the other side of the barrier. He looked a little better and the color was returning to his face. His hands were at his side but his blond hair was still covered in sweat. "Hey Dudley!' Ron said cheerfully.

Immediately, the paleness had returned and the hands returned to their former positions guarding the entrance and exit of his digestive system. Harry knew that if he wanted to get anything out of his cousin, he would need to get him away from any Magical folk. "Hey guys," he said to Ron and Hermione, " Can you wait for me over there?" they agreed and walked about twenty feet toward the door and began talking.

"Dudley, " Harry said "What's going on? Why are you here alone and what in the world were you doing on Platform 9 3/4? And what happened to you?"

Dudley released hid mouth, although, his hand never left his bottom, as (harry figured) that end was still facing Ron and Hermione. "Well…" Dudley said, "Dad sent me here since I can drive now and he didn't want to be bothered getting out of work early to get you since you came back so early."

"Plus," continued Dudley, " I don't think that he wanted to see any of _your kind_ anyway, so he sent me." At this, Dudley started looking around furtively, trying to see if anyone had heard his comment.

"So what were you doing on the platform?" Harry asked, choosing, as always, to ignore the slur.

Misunderstanding the question, Dudley said. "Well, I wanted to make sure that I found you to let you know…." There was a pregnant pause.

"Know what?" Prompted Hermione.

"Dad says that you are no longer welcome at Privet drive and to never bother him again.."

A/N: This ends chapter one of my first Fanfic. I have three more chapters partially written. Is Dudley really Magic? You'll just have to wait and see…


	2. Oops

Chapter Two. Oops.

Harry looked at Dudley for a long moment. There was silence. Hermione s jaw dropped as she processed what the corpulent boy in front of them had said. Harry's face remained impassive though. As if he had expected something like this for years. Ron looked back and forth between Harry and his Cousin.

"What do you mean by that?" Ron asked thickly.

"He means Ron, that Harry has been kicked out and disowned. " Hermonie said sadly, finally finding her tongue.

"Yeah… Sorry about that Harry. Tough break for you. "Dudley didn't look too upset after having delivered this news.

Harry was still staring at Dudley, but his mind was racing. What did this mean? Where was he going to go? What was he going to do? He couldn't go to the Burrow. Ginny was there. He couldn't face her after what he had done. He couldn't go to Grimauld Place.

His eyes scrunched up in what an outsider would only describe as a repressed fury. When he finally spoke, it was with a very quiet voice that only Dudley could hear. "Dudley… would you care to repeat that?"

Dudley looked at his cousin and replied "Dad says that you are no longer welcome at…"

"Dudley, he heard you he first time. It was a rhetorical question." Hermione said. Ron and Hermione had known Harry long enough, especially after this last year, to know that their friend was getting upset. Not just upset… Perhaps it was time to take cover. Harry just looked coolly at Dudley. Hermione walked over to Harry and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Harry, I.." she started.

"Hermonie, I do believe that you are the only one here that is able to legally apperate. Correct?" Hermione just looked at him confused.

"Yes Harry, I can app.." Harry grabbed her by the arm and suddenly, they were gone. Dudley fell backwards, falling over Harry's school trunk.

"Urgggg." Dudley groaned. "Where.. where did?"

Ron looked around for his friends and rolled his eyes. He then grabbed Dudley's arm, helping him up. Ron's back cracked with the effort of pulling the 35 plus stone of Dudley Dursley to his feet. "Um Dursley… You may want to grab the other end of this trunk and help me load it into your car."

"Why would I do that? Harry's not coming to my house."

Ron looked into the porky boy's eyes with a hint of amusement. "Well, unless I misread that look in his eyes, he's already there."

Give me a Break of that Kit-Kat Bar

Privit Drive was looking perfectly normal, thank you very much. In the entire neighborhood, the flowers were arrayed in just the same manner along the front walk of every house. The lawns were all cut the same way, which is to say, picture perfect. Even the post boxes on each house were painted the same color. Number Six was peering out her window, looking for any sign of gossip worthy material. Number Five was already on the phone, telling Number Twelve about Number Eight's latest brush with divorce. Number Eight was upstairs, performing the self-same gossip-worthy material that Number Five was telling everyone else about. In it all, not much was missed by the gossip mongers of the street. Amazingly enough though, nobody heard the crack the came from the backyard of Number Four, Privit Drive.

Hermonie fell out of Harry's arms, and looked at him, her eyes wide. "Harry! What he Bloody Hell do you think you're doing?"

Harry didn't even look at her or acknowledge her curse word, which at any other time would have made him gape at her in wonder. He walked up the rear garden path and opened his aunt's and uncle's door. Harry didn't really try that hard, but the door, which was a picture perfect quality blew off it's hinges. The doorknob broke the sheetrock behind it, leaving a big hole. As the dust from the gaping hole settled, Harry entered the house he had grown up in. Hermione followed timidly. "Harry, you are in SO much trouble!"

Harry didn't answer her. He had seen HIM. Sitting in the living room, was the object of Harry's rage. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE BOY?!?!" Screamed the fat man with the mustache.

"VERNAN DURSLEY! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!" Harry screamed back. Hermonie put her hand on his shoulder. "Hermione, stay out of my way!" He snarled. Hermione took a nervous step back. Harry pointed his had at his Uncle and a beam of crimson light shot out of his fingertips. It hit Vernon in the chest. It seemed to have little effect on his uncle, except for a slight glazing over his eyes. Vernon remained motionless in his chair.

"Harry? What the HELL did you just do?" Hermione rushed over to the chair where Vernon was sitting.

Harry looked over to his bushy haired friend. "I just thought.. I.. I wanted him to stop."

"So you didn't mean to cast a very, very powerful calming jinx?"

"I.. I.. I'm really… um.."

Hermonie bent over and "Jesus! Harry… Look at him! Where have you seen that look before!?!?"

Harry looked at her.. "Hermonie…I.."

She started snapping her fingers at Vernon. "Harry! You just cast an Imperious Curse at your Uncle!"

Harry's eyes widened. "No.. I.. I.. I just wanted him to stop… I didn't even have my wand!"

Hermione stopped bending over Vernon rushed over to Harry, and gave him a hug. "Harry. I will not let you get thrown into Azkaban over a temper tantrum!" Harry saw that she was justifiability upset at his actions. Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"It can't be the Imperious Curse. That's impossible!"

"Try telling him to do something.." she said, bending over the still body.

"Hermione! I can't do that! We need to call somebody!"

"Harry, when have you ever been the type to ask for help? Plus, if we call for help, someone will find out what you've done! Tell him to do something."

"No! This can't be happening. I didn't mean to!..

"It's happening Harry. We have to deal with this. Maybe the ministry sensors didn't detect anything."

Harry's eyes widened and he ran over to the window and drew the curtains. "Of course they detected it Hermione! They watch everything that I do!"

"Harry, they monitor the wand, not the Wizard!"

"Not me Hermione! They have almost every bit of Magic I have ever cast… and some that I haven't!"

"What do you mean Harry."

"It doesn't matter Hermione… We have to get out of here. They'll find me…"

Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Bullocks!" Harry shouted.. Their here already!" Ok.. Maybe we can pretend that everything is fine. You here that! Everything is fine and we're all happy.. Yeah.. happy…"

Hermione took a deep breath and answered the door. Outside the door was a tall bald black man. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "Hi Kingsley.. Boy are we glad to see you."

"Is everything alright here?"

Hermione looked at Kingsley. "Of course. Everything is fine."

Kingsley Shacklebolt looked at her like he didn't believe her… which he didn't. "Well, I was just in the Improper use of Magic office and every sensor in the area just.. Well.. blinked. They were all working fine and then they weren't. Then, just as quick, they were fine again. It might be nothing, but I thought I'd apperate here and check and see if everything was ok."

Inside the house, Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. They didn't know. Suddenly, Vernon brushed past him and ran to the door. "Who are you?" Vernon asked politely.

"I sir, am Kingsley Shackelbolt, Auror Department, although I'm off duty right now. You see we registered an anomaly here and I thought I stop by and check it out."

"Well as you can see we are all FINE and HAPPY here." Vernon stated, with a smug look of superiority.

"Um.. That's good Mr. Dursley. "Kingsley said, looking confused at the man who he had helped to threaten just a year previously.

"Yes indeed, It is good. Good things make me happy you know." Vernon said, still smiling.

"Um.. Right…" Kingsley was looking more and more confused.

Hermione stuck her head around the portly man who seemed to be so… Happy… "Um.. Don't mind him Kingsley, he just got very good news from his work."

"Yes, everything is fine at Grunnings. Things being fine make me so happy. Drills make me happy too. Oh, and hammers. We don't make hammers of course, but if we did, that would be fine too. " Vernon said giddily.

"Right… Well if everything is Ok here, I'll just get back to London. I have to sit through a few more Muggle meetings today. How that government gets everything done is beyond me. "

Vernon looked at Kingsley and said, "Oh, don't let me keep you, I love meetings. They make me happy!" Vernon reached out and shook his hand. "It was nice meeting you! Happy to have you stop by any time!"

With that, he closed the door to the sight of the retreating Auror, who was shaking his head, walked back over to his chair and sat down. He then looked over to Harry and said "Harry. I'm happy to see you. I know I'm fine. I hope you are fine too. That would make me happy.

Harry looked at his Uncle like he had just sprouted wings. "What the hell?"

Hermione returned from the other room. "Harry, just before I answered the door, you commanded him that everything was fine and that we were all happy."

"No I didn't. I was panicking."

"Well, Harry, the ministry didn't detect it, and I think we can use this to our advantage. He wasn't a very nice man before, and now he's.. well he's.. happy…"

"And fine too.. Don't forget fine." Said Vernon from his chair, smiling.

"Hermione, we can't just leave him like this!" Harry shouted.

Hermonie raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Sure we can Harry. I mean yes, the Imperious curse is usually an awful thing, but every cloud has a silver lining. I mean, look at him, he's fine!"

"and happy, don't forget about happy!" Vernon said with a grin.

She walked around his chair. "If we just make him a bit more.. agreeable… what could be the harm. Think of it like a psychiatrist's treatment."

"Hermonie, we are not doctors! What your talking about is so illegal, I going to go to Azkaban for the rest of my life!"

"Harry, it's done.. You did it . There's no going back now, might as well make use of it."

"Hermonie, I can't believe that you would break the law like this!"

"Harry, honestly, how many times have we broken the law, not just school rules, but the real law? You think I wouldn't go to prison if someone found out about the time turner? Or how about blackmailing Rita? That was just a tad illegal. Hell, If anyone found about me altering currency for the D.A., the goblins wouldn't stop trying to hunt me down. Some rules were meant to be broken."

"Ok.. ok.. You've made your point. So what do we do now?" Harry asked.

"We need to program him. We can't have him talking about how happy he is all the time."

"I'm fine too, don't forget how fine I am." Came the peanut gallery.

"Ok.. What do I do?"

"Hold on.. Let me think a minute." Hermione walked over to the coffee table and grabbed a pen and piece of paper and started to write.

Vernon chose this time to start humming. Harry covered his eyes with his hand and shook his head. "I am so screwed."

After a moment Hermonie came over and handed a piece of paper to Harry. "Here, read this out loud"

"uh.. Ok.. "Harry began to read. "Vernon Dursley From this point on, you will remember nothing of what has happened in the last five minutes except your conversation with the Kingsley. You will continue to be happy at all times, but not to excess. If you notice someone looking at you like you are too happy, you will be less happy, but never angry. You will never be angry again. You will never shout at anyone again unless their life is in danger. You will accept wizarding culture and welcome all witches and wizards that are invited by Hermione or me into your house. You will strive to be a success at your work and have a good family life. You will no longer allow your son to partake in delinquent behavior. You will convince your wife that these things are your own decision, and that you want to live a better life. You will strive to make life as comfortable for any who are under your roof as you politely can. You will, when asked, tell me any information I might ask for. Otherwise you will act completely normal. "Harry handed the card back to Hermonie. "Can you think of anything else we might want to add?"

"Well, Harry, according to everything that I have ever read about the Imperious curse, we can add instructions at any time. "

"O.k.. It's done. What about Aunt Petunia? What should we do about her?"

"Well, if she was home, she would have come out right away. She must be out. We'll deal with that when we have to."

"Well what about the sensors. Did I overload them or something?"

"Harry, That was just about the most powerful bit of magic I have ever seen without a want. I'm not surprised you overloaded the sensors."

"How is that possible, Hermione?"

Hermonie walked over to Harry and put her arm around him. "I have no clue Harry, But we will figure it out together." She then gave him a kiss on the cheek.

A/N. Hermonie isn't evil, she's practical.


End file.
